Chapter Seven: Roll that Diplomacy Check!

Merton pinched the bridge of his nose as Brash snored atop his head.

        “Run this by me again,” he said.

        “Okay,” Lisa said. “Dragons originated on Earth as weapons of warfare and magical creations made by human wizards. One wizard decided to use them against his enemies, and the resulting war devastated the planet. It’s probably what’s behind pretty much every ancient flood and story of Atlantis and why every human culture in the world has art and legends about dragons. In the end, the wizards were dead and the dragons left behind a devastated planet and the mage-blind slaves. Us.” She inclined her head slightly. “The dragons formed the Five Talon Empire-”

        “Technically,” Relix cut in, taking a pause from her snuggling of Merton. “They formed the Empires of Qesemat and Asamat, split between chromatic and metallic dragons. It was only after the Dragonstar Wars and the creation of the War Spheres that the Draconic Empire was formed under the Prismatic Throne. That was then stable until...well, by this point, I usually fell asleep during history class.”

        Then she went back to squeezing Merton’s naked body. Merton smiled and hugged his wife back. Then he felt a bump and saw that Julia, his girlfriend, was pressing against his other side.

        “Can I snuggle Merton too?” Brash asked, waking up.

        “You’re already his hat,” Lisa said.

        Brash gasped. “That is the most important job. Hats are the snuggles of the head.”

        “Quite,” Lisa said, then shook her head. “Still, there was one survivor: The man who created the first chromatic dragons and set them to war. He fled here...and his regrets created this place out of pure willpower. ” She gestured around herself.

        “Fuck me sideways,” Merton said.

        “Well...” Relix murmured, sounding tempted.

        “Later, honey,” Merton whispered.

        “I’ll bring the lube,” Julia said, giggling.

        Merton shook his head. “So, this is literally the Fortress of Regrets? And these shadow things are...” He looked down at the pile of obsidian monsters that he had been busily hacking up while Lisa and his wife had stumbled on the originator of this mysterious floating castle. “What?”

        “Her conscience,” Lisa said, sighing. “What a guilt brain can do after a few thousand years of wallowing next to a pool of radiant energy. While also being the brain of an arch-mage that makes the most powerful draconic sorcerer look like Gandalf the Grey.”

        “Planescape and Phlan, Jesus Christ,” Merton said, putting his hands to his face.

        “What?” Trevor asked, frowning. “I usually get your fucking stupid references and in-jokes, but I’m lost.”

        “It’s not important,” Relix said, drawing her snout away from Merton’s arm. “What is important is we get to Earth.”

        “... que ?” Carlos asked.

        Relix sighed and then slipped her arms around Merton’s belly. Her scales rasped gently against his taut belly muscles and Julia took her chance to bury her face against Merton’s abs. She started to lick him affectionately. Which reminded Merton to remember to ask her later how the flying fuck she had not only gotten magic, but also learned magic. But so many things had been happening so quickly that he felt like he was doing all right if he managed to keep abreast of the important stuff. Like the dragons. And the space politics. And the assassination attempts.

        “If Earth is the homeworld of dragon-kind, and not Draconis Prime,” she said. “Then there will be artifacts left of the old empire. Maybe we can find something that will give us an edge against the other dragon suits. Those were powerful enough to wipe out a dragon freehold, we’re going to need every fragment of help we can get even after we gather up our allies in the FTE.” She shook her head. “There must be something left.”

        “After...what? Ten thousand years?” Lisa asked. “Not to mention, humanity has never found anything . Zip. Nada. Zilch.”

        “Where was Atlantis?” Carlos said. “If we never found it, maybe there are artifacts there?”

        “...where could Atlantis possibly be?” Trevor asked, slapping the back of his head. “Man, if only there was some kind of Atlantic  ocean to search!”

        Carlos looked at Trevor, crossing his arms over his chest. “Dude. Trevor. You can’t go looking in the obvious places. Where do you find your car keys? In the obvious place? No, you find them behind the couch.”

        “Uh, no, actually, I find my car keys in the place where I put them. Which is on the fucking counter, which is where everyone puts them!” Trevor snapped, his eyebrow twitching. “Listen, this is all insane . Why the hell would a ten thousand year old artifact do diddly to a modern starship? There’s this historical myth called the dark ages, which is where most of fantasy fiction gets the ass-backwards idea that older stuff is better than newer stuff. Well, guess what, we aren’t goths squatting in the Roman Empire wondering how they built aqueducts. Fuck. If we’re going to Earth, we might as well go for the nukes .”

        “How many nukes could Earth possibly have?” Relix asked, sneering slightly.

        “Twenty thousand,” Merton said.

        “Fifteen thousand,” Lisa said.

        “Between fifteen and twenty thousand!” Carlos said, cheerfully.

        Relix blinked. “Oh. Right.” She clearly had just remembered Merton and her’s first meeting.

        “Hey, question,” Carlos said, lifting his hand. “What happened to the old wizard?”

        Lisa shrugged, the strap on her laser rifle shifting along her shoulder. “I shot up the pool of radiant energy that was sustaining her life. It seemed like she was ready to go.” She nodded. “Why?”

        “Sooo...you...took the wizard whose regret keeps this place stable off life support?” Carlos asked. “Before we stabilized the portals so that they’d head to Earth?”

        Lisa and Relix both blinked. And, with fantastic timing, the castle took the cue. The ground heaved as if they were in a 7.5 earthquake, sending the few armsmen, Gunner, Speccy, and Merton’s friends sprawling onto their backs and bellies with cries of alarm. Brash went soaring off of Merton’s head with a squeal of delight, while Relix held Merton in place by by wrapping around him like a snake and plunging her tail into the ground as if it was an anchor. The shake was followed by aftershocks and a groaning, crashing, rending noise. Chunks started to fall from the metallic ceiling and Merton screamed.

        “Back to the shiiiiiiip !”

        Relix unwrapped and dragged him to his feet.

        “Brash!” Merton shouted. “Help everyone!”

        Brash flapped his wings, then dodged away from a massive head that fell from the ceiling, tumbling through the cracks as if some vast statue that had been part of an upper level had come spilling down. The head struck the ground with a tolling like a gong. Brash swept forward, his arms growing to absurd Schwarzenegger beef-slabs sticking out of his small, cat-like body. He scooped up Trevor and Lisa with a sweep. Carlos, keeping his feet with remarkable skill, grabbed onto Speccy and helped the four armed purple skinned engineer to her feet.

        Gunner grabbed one of his armsmen and dragged the woman out and away from a tumbling chunk of wall slab which would have pancaked her.

        The whole group rushed towards the airlock, which was starting to shake and jar free.

        Merton looked over his shoulder – one last glimpse at something that had stood the test of time longer than any structure on the Earth had. He saw the darkness, lit patchily by the mage lights that Speccy had set up, being split by the deeper, purer blackness of the plane of negation. He could see those bizarre machines, crumpling as stones the size of small houses fell on them. He could see the floor dropping away like teeth from a kid with scurvy, dropping into blackness and infinity. He shook his head slightly, then leaped onto the airlock.

        The door slammed shut behind him and the Talon-9  bucked as it skidded away from the castle. He got to his feet in time to look out the airlock window and see the castle collapsing inwards, swirling and groaning as the chunks lost definition, becoming dust, and then tiny particles, all of them twisting on a whirlwind of destruction. At the center of it, he could see a sputtering, strobing light.

        The debris fell inwards.

        And then with an unceremonious pop and minute poof of smoke that dissipated nearly instantly, the castle was gone.

        “Well,” Relix said, sourly. “I guess we’ll have to take the long way to Earth now.”

        “No,” Merton said, shaking his head - with the loss of multiple portals, he had to make the hard call, even if it put his friends in danger. “If we have to choose between going to Earth and going to Draconis Prime, I say we go to Draconis Prime. We have to tell your father about the threat from House Byraugh, Xosh, and Forin before they make their move. Nothing on Earth can stop them, unless the Atlantians left some super weapon there.”

        “Like the draconic command words that let them control the entire species for millenia?” Lisa asked, her voice dry.

        Merton paused. All of them considered what Lisa had just said. Trevor looked irritated - resentful that his point about older magic being less useful being torpedoed like that.

        “Fuck,” Merton whispered, before pinching the bridge of his nose. “Speccy, where can our planar whipple shields bring us too?”

        “They’ll bring us right back where we started from,” Speccy said, brushing some dust from her shoulder as the inner door of the airlock opened and each of them started out into the corridor.

        Julia chuckled, quietly. “So, in other words, right back into the guns of House Byraugh.”

        “Essentially,” Speccy said, frowning. “There is an advantage. This detour has given our subspace drive time to refresh itself. If we arrive and instantly translate to subspace, we’ll get away.” She paused. “If only we had our ablative wish armor.”

        “You know,” Trevor said, sourly, crossing his arms over his chest as he glared at Lisa. “If only someone hadn’t murdered the ancient archmage.”

        Lisa glared right back at him.

        “No,” Speccy said. “Even with a wizard of the 17 th  level or higher, we’d still need a hundred and fifty thousand credits worth of diamond. Even with our nanofabricator, we couldn’t produce that much without finding a planet or asteroid.” She shook her head. “We need to find another way to survive the few seconds it’ll take to arrive, chart the course, then drop into subspace.”

        They all went silent.

        Thinking.

        “We could go to The City of O?” Julia suggested.

        “The City of O?” Trevor asked.

        “Uh, it’s the city at the center of the multiverse?” Julia said, blinking. “It sits at the top of an infinitely high spire in the middle of the Outlands. Ruled by a mysterious order of genderless, immortal arbiters called the Judges? I also am guessing that it’s a place where everyone talks like a cockney gangster and is full of dead god corpses used as apartment buildings. You know. Standard city-at-the-center-of-the-multiverse things.”

        Speccy frowned. “The Judges aren’t exactly friendly to the FTE.”

        “Why? Too hungry for gold?” Trevor asked, still sour.

        “Yes,” Speccy said, half distracted. “We can recalibrate our planar whipple shields for the outer realms and arrive in the Outlands. Then we fly for the City of O and find a portal back to our universe? Is that what you’re suggesting?”

        Julia shrugged. “Hey, I’m just saying what I’d do if I was the prince. I’m just a concubine. But, just saying, even if we can’t find our way back, it’ll just mean we’re stuck i n the afterlife with nukes. Which sounds funny as hell .” She grinned, wiggling her eyebrows. “Get it? Hell . As hell? Cause...I’m saying we can find Hitler in Hell and poke him with sticks.”

        Speccy, Relix, and Gunner all looked at Merton. Merton realized that they had actually started to think of him as a leader. It would have been funny if it didn’t also make his gut knot  like a pretzel. But since he was the one here...he gulped and nodded, his hand sliding up and down Relix’s back, his other arm looped around Julia’s shoulders. Holding the two of them relaxed him. Centered him. He nodded again, more firmly.

        “Let’s do it.”

***

        Merton sprawled in bed, his eyes closed, feeling the adrenaline of the past few hours ebb from his body, like tides slurping down drains. That was a mixed metaphor, but on the other hand, fuck off, Merton was tired. As he lay there, the door opened and he felt a warm body thump across his belly. Merton wheezed and sat up – and saw Julia sprawled across him, as if they were a sexy, humanoid + sign. Though finally, he had some fucking pants on. That was nice.

        “Oh!”

        Brash landed on Julia’s butt and curled up there, like a kitten. “I claim this butt for dragon kind.”

        “Welp,” Julia said, her voice muffled. “You heard him, Merton. Relationship over, I’m a dragon’s pet now.”

        “Yay!” Brash cheered, then sobered. “W-Wait, no, I don’t want you to stop nose nuzzling!” To demonstrate this, he shifted to his humanoid boy form and rolled off of Julia, with the side effect of mashing Merton back onto the bed, since he now had a girl on his belly and a dragon-boy on his chest.

        “Why am I under at least two people?” Merton asked, his voice muffled by Brash’s hip.

        “Because Speccy is a slave driver. Who knew that sneaking into the biotech lab and secretly giving myself magical powers would lead to some kind of ramifications?” Julia asked.

        “Gasp!” Brash said. “Ramifications? They’re my least favorite kind of ifications! My favorites are centaurification, girlification, goldification...”

        “Brash...” Merton said, slowly, his voice constricted. “Why is your favorite centaurification?”

        “Cause centaurs are cute and also, if you have the biggest dong, they’ll be like, ‘yay, you have a dong of exactly the right size, for I am a horse!’” Brash said, cheerfully. He was still sprawled on Merton’s chest. “Also, you should bang!” He gasped. “No we  should bang!” And suddenly, Merton had Julia and Brashette on his chest, which provoked several reactions - mortification, arousal, being crushed.

        “We should bang,” Julia said around a truly epic yawn . “Save that I’ve been dumping level one spell slots into the whipple shields to start the re-calibration process. By the way, Speccy says we should be heading out within the hour.”

        Brashette snorted. “I’ll use magical powers to make you all excited for sexy times!”

        “But I’m tired too, Brashette?” Merton wheezed out.

        Brashette scoffed. “That’s why I, Brashette, am here to help you!”

        “Brashette, wa-” Merton started – but it was too late. The by now very familiar feeling of Brash’s body enfolding and connecting to his swept Merton from head to toes. The click in his ears was almost missed in the sudden rush of energy that surged through Merton. He wondered how Brash was doing that. The first thought was gross, but effective: He was likely circulating Merton’s blood and hormones through his dragon body, and using the natural regenerative powers of a dragon to clean out fatigue toxins. The end result was that it only took six heart beats for Merton to feel as perky as if he had snorted a line of cocaine.

        Space cocaine.

        The third most addictive form of cocaine. Right after snuggle cocaine! Which was totally a thing!

        “Brash, are you influencing my thoughts?” Merton asked, his hands going to his muzzle and rubbing against his eyes.

        “...no...” Brash said, sounding guilty. “That’s...natural...wibbly...interference from...snuggle fields...”

        Julia had rolled off of Merton’s lap. Looking down at her, Merton felt the normal rush of love and happiness that seeing Julia inspired in him. He might also be feeling feelings for Relix – feelings that her confession about her softness had only made more intense and malleable – but Julia had been with him longer. And seeing her lithe perfection transformed from words on a screen to real life (with a slight detour into “finding out she was trans and hadn’t transitioned yet”-ville) was enough to send Merton’s heart racing. His cock hardened and he gulped as he saw the unique, draconic shape of it. Red, with ridges along the bottom edge, and a triangular tip, already welling with eagerness.

        Julia’s tongue flicked along her lips as she looked his cock.

        “Want me to, uh...spice it up?” Brash whispered in Merton’s ear.

        “How so?” Merton rumbled as he watched Julia pull her arms under her body and push herself up to her hands and knees. Julia crawled forward, her rump in the air, giving her a sleek, kittenish look. Her tongue darted along her lips and Merton felt his dick getting even harder.

        “Well, we’re a living, breathing, shapeshifting fuck machine. I can add more dicks. Or less dicks, if you wanna be a lady like my Brashette form! Or I could add an aphrodisiac to our pre-cum, so one lick will drive Julia so wild that you’ll have to fuck her into the deck to get her satiated. What’s your favorite?”

        “Julia,” Merton said around a clenched jaw, his fingers digging into the matress underneath him as he tried to keep from just pouncing on her. Her lips touched the firm scales of his balls and she shivered slightly as she slipped her tongue between his nuts, her eyes fluttering shut as she breathed in his musk. Part of him wondered if she was already drugged – but she merely drew her mouth back and whispered, huskily.

        “Yeah?”

        “Do you want, uh, an aphrodisiac? On my cock?” Merton asked. “Our...cock? Is this technically a threesome?”

        “Technically, it’s an awesomesome ,” Brash said, loud enough for Julia to hear it.

        “I’m not sure what the proper terminology is for a fuck-session with a dude, a girl, and his kamui,” Julia said with a wicked grin.

        “A god robe?” Brash asked, sounding confused.

        “You speak Japanese?” Julia drew her head away from the bright red cock that she had started to quietly lick – more like a kitten than a girl getting ready for a blowjob.

        “Well, I am a dragon ,” Brash said, sounding smug. “But seriously, what is a kamui?”

        Merton bit his lip, then closed his eyes and thought  everything he knew about the anime Kill la Kill at Brash, since Brash had already demonstrated an ability to do information retrieval, considering the HUD he had whipped up. And the songs that he had played. And the puns. A moment later, he heard Brash gasp. What happened next was utterly disquieting and completely discombobulating. Merton felt as if his entire body had been grabbed . But it wasn’t just his skin. No.

        His bones felt as if something had them in a vice grip. He felt his heart beating against the pressure of a wrapping that didn’t penetrate his skin, and yet managed to enfold his every organ. It was not painful, but it was weird as fucking hell. Then the grip shifted and squirmed and within a few seconds, he felt as if bits of him had been tossed into the air and juggled. Again. No pain. But in the same way that a dentist picking at plaque isn’t painful , but still feels weird as hell...this felt weird as hell.

        He screamed the whole way.

        And thus, he was able to hear his voice stretch up the register, like Captain Rhodes from Day of the Dead.

        From the scene where zombies tore his head off while he was screaming at the top of his lungs.

        Yeah.

        Again, not painful.

        But it still left Merton panting as he sat on the bed, blinking.

        “Tada!” Brash said, cheerfully.

        “Oh. My. God.” Julia had drawn back, her jaw hanging open. Merton stood stock still, shivering, looking at a fringe of black that hung before his head. He normally cut his hair pretty short, since he hated bangs. But now he had them. Then his brow furrowed and he saw a band of...red. In his hair. His hands went to his head and he saw he was wearing a thick red glove on one hand and a red wrist band on the second. Also, his fingers were...not dainty . But they were a fuck of a lot thinner.

        “What the-” Merton heard his voice pitched up a few registers. “EEEEEEE!” He squealed.

        Or, more accurately.

         She squealed.

        She looked down at her breasts and saw that not only did she have breasts, but they were contained in a black and red patterned Japanese school girl uniform. A familiar looking black and red patterned Japanese school girl uniform.

        “ Brash !” Merton screamed. “What the fucking hell !?”

        “Y-You don’t think it’s neat?” Brash asked, sounding like a puppy, post newspaper booping. “I thought you liked my Brashette form!”

        “Ahhhhh myyyyyy gawwwwwwwwd!” Julia squealed. “You look similar to but legally distinct from Ryuko Matoi! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh you’re so freaking cute !”

        Merton stood up. He – she – tottered, her arms flailing in the air as she tried to keep her balance with a brand new body. She scrambled to the mirror that was set in the dressing room of the palatial quarters she shared with Relix. Looking into the mirror, she saw that not only did she look exactly like Ryuko Matoi from Kill la Kill, but Brash had even replicated the anime aesthetic in real life as close as he could manage. So, she actually looked a little inhuman. But, in the same way that an anime character could look really attractive within the framework of an animated picture, Ryuko looked cute as heck in the real world, skirting the edge of the uncanny valley with a deftness that shocked Merton to the core.

        “S-Sorry for not asking permission first. I just kinda got excited when I figured out how to do the shifty shapes with you. Basically, I just surrounded your cells with my cells, and snuggled them and since they’re snuggled, they feel safe and I can keep them happy, and then put them together again when you wanna shift back!” Brash said – and yes, the replica of the sentient school girl uniform that granted superpowers ( Kill la Kill was a weird fucking show, even by Japanese anime standards) wriggled as Brash talked. Just like from the show.

        Merton breathed slowly out. “Well. T-This...is good.”

        “I’ll say...” Julia purred, her tiredness forgotten. In the mirror, Merton could see her checking out her new ass. Merton spun around, her cheeks flushing as she glared at her girlfriend. Julia grinned back at her, unapologetic.

        “This opens up a lot of tactical options. Can you...” Merton paused. “Can you shrink while I’m wearing you?”

        “Sure!” Brash said. “I’ll just extend a magical whatsit field to make your cells tinier!”

        Merton crossed her arms over her breasts, then blushed as she felt her own breasts squish underneath her arm. She wasn’t sure if Brash was jacking her sensitivity up in an effort to make this sexier, or if that was just a thing that was different between girls and boys. But she did feel her nipples hardening underneath her clothes. “I’ve noticed dragons use their shapeshifting in their combat. Now, if...when we fight dragons, I won’t be disadvantaged.”

        Julia grinned. “And you have a…” She paused, sat up, then pumped her fists. “ Grrrrrrrrrrrreat ass.”

        Merton blushed and giggled. Then she stopped, at hearing how she sounded. “G-God, is this what you felt like for years?”

        “No,” Julia said. “Firstly, I was...” she paused, then looked aside. “I was ugly. Not just because I was a dude. I love dudes. But I was an ugly dude, you know?” She nodded, slightly. Merton stepped forward and almost tripped over her own feet. She tottered over and knelt down beside the bed. She took Julia’s hand, squeezing. The feeling of Julia’s soft fingers against Merton’s new fingers was enough to send lightning bolts of erotic sensation crackling along her spine. “You might not want to be a girl. But you’re a pretty one.” She smiled. “Also, knowing you can become a dude again at any time prolly helps.”

        “Yeah. It does.” Merton murmured. She leaned forward and kissed Julia on the cheek. Julia giggled, then turned her head and kissed Merton back. Their tongues played together. Their breasts pressed together and Brash obligingly became as thin as silk, so that Merton could feel the deliciousness that was two breasts squeezing together, two pairs of hard, sensitive nipples teasing against one another. And it wasn’t like dudes didn’t feel pleasure from having their nipples played with, but...this was a whole new level . Merton drew her mouth back, gasping, a line of saliva connecting their mouths for a moment.

        Merton’s cheeks flushed . “I...I think I...” She blinked. “I’m...”

        “What?” Julia asked, grinning.

        “Y-You know!” Merton stammered, her cheeks growing even redder as she looked aside. She had never known that she could feel so flustered. Let alone feel so fucking turned on by it.

        “I wanna hear you say it...” Julia’s voice husked in her ear as she leaned forward. Her teeth nibbled along the sensitive edge of Merton’s earlobe. “I wanna hear my pretty new girlfriend say it. Out loud.”

        “...wet...” Merton whispered, her fingers clenching on her skirt. She felt the thin strip of panties that was all that she wore... tighten . That press of silk against the sloppy folds of her eager, eager pussy was enough to remind Merton that she was wearing another being. Another male being. The caress of a bra on her chest wasn’t a bra, it was Brash’s body, pressing to her more intimately than anything she had ever felt in her life. Somehow, it felt different when she was female. And horny as hell.

        “I didn’t hear you,” Julia murmured in a playful sing song.

        “Oh fuck this,” Merton snarled, grabbing onto Julia’s shoulders, pushing her onto her back, then kissing her as forcefully as she ever had while male. Julia moaned wantonly into Merton’s mouth and her hands grabbed onto Merton’s ass, and Merton delighted at the feeling her her ass-cheeks dimpling between Julia’s desperate fingers. Julia grabbed onto Merton’s skirt, flipping it up, then grabbed onto her panties. Merton drew her mouth back, hissing as she felt her sex becoming exposed to the warm air of the cabin. Her eager, dripping pussy felt as if it had been set on fire. She wanted…

        Oh god, Merton thought. I-I’m horny as fuck. But…  She paused, then said. “B-Brash, I’m...gay? Like, as a girl, I’m gay. As a man, I’m straight?”

        “Yup!” Brash said, cheerfully.

        “Why? You curious about trying the D?” Julia asked, her fingers working on the ‘buttons’ of Merton’s shirt. Merton flushed as her striped bra was revealed. The flush seemed to creep down her neck towards her breasts, making them all the more inviting. Julia was practically salivating.

        “N-No...maybe. I don’t know,” Merton said, grinning. “But, you know. I s-say, uh...when in Rome?”

        “Have an orgy!” Brash said, cheerfully.

        “Have I ever mentioned I like the way he thinks?” Julia asked, grinning as she undid the last button. Merton gulped as her breasts were only hidden by a thin, gauzy bra. She was about to whisper something – but she wasn’t sure if she was going to ask for more time, to get her brain around all that had happened, or if she was going to beg for Julia to hurry the fuck up. Before either could pop out of her mouth, the door to the room hissed open and Relix walked in, stretching her arms behind her back as she sighed.

        “Well, that was annoying, but the whipple shields are calibrated and we...” She paused, looking at the bed. She scoffed. “Oh that husband of mine. Always finding new women to add to his harem. Ah well.” She shrugged, then walked over to Merton. She leaned forward and looked into her eyes, then nodded. “Open your mouth.”

        Merton opened her mouth to respond, but then Relix hooked her jaw, opening it further.

        “Nice teeth,” she said.

        “Lix!” Merton shouted around the finger pressing against her tongue. It came out more like ‘iiks’.

        Relix drew her finger back. “Oh! Right, sorry. May I please look at your teeth to ensure your good health? Also, where did you come from?”

        “I’m Merton!” Merton said.

        “Well, that’s...” Relix blinked. She drew her head back. “What the absolute fuck ? You’re not a dragon! And this level of shapeshifting requires a spell slot! And you’ve only just learned psi-swords and psi-shields, I haven’t even taught you cantrips!”

        “I did it!” Brash said, cheerfully.

        Relix blinked as she looked at the speaking clothes that had been discarded onto the bed. “Oh! Of course...” She rubbed her finger along her muzzle. “That’s very impressive Brash.” She grinned, broadly. “And you’ve made my husband such a tasty looking woman. And you know...that’s one of the upsides of being married to a dragon that I had resigned myself to never indulging in...”

        Merton gulped, noticing the bulge growing between Relix’s thighs. Her eyes widened.

        “Uh, whoa, okay, uh-” Merton stammered.

        “I will fall upon that draconic dong for my boyfriend!” Julia piped up. “Merton is new to being a girl. You can’t just... whoa ...” She sounded awed as Relix cast off her robes, revealing the thickness and length of her bright teal cock. It twitched with eagerness, even as Relix’s tail lifted in eagerness. She sauntered forward, her hips rolling as Julia opened her mouth, then closed it, then stammered. “Y-You can’t just...uh...go straight to...holy shit, are all dragons so fucking hung?”

        “Duh doy?” Brash said as Relix put clawed fingers on Julia’s shoulders, then shoved her onto her back with an eager growl. Julia moaned as Relix leaned forward and planted a kiss on her mouth. Merton felt a flash of purest joy, and it was for the most petty reason. Yes, Relix was clearly enjoying the kiss. Yes, she could see the faint ripple along Julia’s throat that meant that Relix was uncoiling her long, tentacle like tongue all the way down there. Yes, Julia was curling her toes and arching her back, as if she was already getting off.

        But it still didn’t hold a candle to the raw, overwhelming passion that Relix and Merton had shared when they had first confessed feelings for one another.

        And it had nothing to the first time Julia had kissed him – the joyful exuberance of her passions as she was finally in a body that she belonged in.

        This kiss was fun and sex and happiness.

        But…

        Those had been love. Purest love.

        Merton smiled as Relix broke the kiss, her tongue sliding out of Julia’s mouth a moment later, leaving Julia gasping and panting. “Oh fuck me...”

        “I shall oblige,” Relix purred, her hands going to Julia’s shirt and casually tearing it off her body. Claws and incredible strength combined with care to leave Julia in tatters and without slicing her skin to ribbons. Then Relix leaned forward and started sucking on her nipple, her flexible mouthparts. She drew her head slowly back, stretching Julia’s perky breast out slightly, and wringing a low, eager moan from Julia. Her thighs spread and her back arched and Merton slid two fingers against her own sex. Touching her folds.

        It was like touching a button that linked to her brain and screamed... pleasure .

        Her fingers slipped into her sex and her thighs spread wider as she couldn’t stop herself from moaning. Her cunt felt so slick and slippery, and she found a place inside of her that sent a jolt of pleasure through her. She moaned and arched her back, and heard Brash’s purr in her ear.

        “You like that?”

        “God yes...” Merton breathed out.

        Relix, meanwhile, had taken Julia’s thighs and spread her wide, opening her up like she was spreading peanut butter. Then...with agonizing slowness, Relix started to slide her cock into Julia, whose back arched and head rolled back. Her mouth was open. Inviting. Merton crawled forward, swinging one leg wide, then placed her eager, eager pussy against Julia’s open mouth. The feeling of another girl’s tongue on her sex sent a skyrocketing surge of pleasure through Merton. Her back arched and she moaned loudly. Wantonly. She couldn’t stop herself. Then Relix leaned forward. Keeping two hands on Julia’s hips, Relix caught Merton’s head with a third hand, then squeezed her breast with a fourth and kissed her. Merton’s eyes widened, then slowly closed as Relix’s tongue slithered down her throat, fucking her throat with casual eagerness.

        Merton sagged against her, her hips twitching as Julia’s tongue lapped along her sex, teasing her clit gently. Merton moaned, then whimpered, then drew her mouth back, gasping as Relix left her tongue in for a few seconds before drawing back. Once Merton could breathe again, her head pounding with raw lust, she whispered.

        “This is fucking amazing ...”

        Julia’s tongue bumped her clit.

        And Merton let herself go.

        She rolled her head back and howled in pleasure, her back arching into a near perfect C shape. She trembled and felt her sex clenching , as if she was trying to draw a cock into her body. But there was nothing but the pure joy, the orgasmic yes that Julia had given her. She felt her fluids dripping and spurting from her sex as she squirted into Julia’s hungry mouth. Julia moaned and swallowed, then gasped out.

        “Strawbemmphh!”

        Because Merton had sat back on her face. She was too sensitive. It was too much. But she couldn’t stop herself from grinding against Julia’s wanton mouth, or stop herself from gasping out a quiet: “Yes!” as Relix’s hands squeezed and cupped her breasts. She could even hear Brash’s panting gasps in her own head as he...well, he surely felt the same pleasure that she did.

        Relix’s fucking sped up and she thrust faster and faster, making Julia’s breasts bounce in perfect circles with the ferocity of her thrusts. The wet slap of their hips meeting made Merton grin. She couldn’t tear her eyes off where the two women met. She continued to watch for the moment...and was rewarded. Relix’s teeth clenched and she growled something so low and deep that it couldn’t have possibly been a word...and yet, somehow, it was: “Fhu-huuuck !”

        And there it was.

        A thick explosion of white cum burst from the seal that Julia’s pussy made around Relix’s thick draconic girlcock. It splashed against Relix’s belly muscles and along Julia’s pale thighs. It dripped and pattered onto the bed as the two gasped. Panted. Shuddered. Relix hung her head forward. Her tail was still lifted invitingly. Merton watched – and felt a sudden desire explode in her body. She thought, and Brash thought with her.

        The change was faster this time.

        And far easier to take.

        When Merton grabbed onto Relix’s tail, it was with a hand coated in scales, and with a cock that throbbed with eagerness, despite his earlier climax. Relix squeaked and had only enough time to shift her cock away before Merton had bent her forward, so that she was nose to nose with the cock-drunk Julia. Then Merton roughly lifted her tail up with one hand. The sudden return of testosterone hit like a mac truck driven by a muscle bound dudebro. His cock pressed to Relix’s pussy and he grinned slightly. “Nice and wet, huh, Lix?”

        “N-Not in front of the concubine!” she squeaked.

        “She’s not a concubine,” Merton growled. He wasn’t sure if it was a playful growl or a growl growl. Whatever it was, it sent a quiver through Relix’s body and a fresh coating of girl juice dripping along the tip of his dick. “She’s your wife. And my wife. And I’m her husband and your husband. We’re...equals.”

        Relix looked back, her eyes wide. “T-That’s a whole new level of kink, my husband.”

        Merton laughed – but just in case Relix wasn’t joking, he also gently smacked her scaled rump. The jiggles that set off were worth the gentle spank and the indignant squeak that came from her – which transformed into an eager moan as he ground the tip of his cock up and down her sex, teasing her folds with his thick dragon cock. “It’s not a kink, Lix...”

        Relix hung her head forward, pressing it against Julia’s breasts. Julia had recovered from her fucking just enough to reach up and ruffle Relix’s feathers gently.

        “O-Okay,” Relix whispered. Then. Shyly. She smiled. “I think I like that more. It’s better to share with equals. Isn’t it?”

        Merton closed his eyes to slits – trying to keep himself from cumming right then and there out of sheer joy. Instead, he gritted his teeth...and slammed into Relix. The folds of her sex accepted him as if he was born to fuck her, and his scaled balls swung into her clit with a wet pap . The slick sounds of their joining made Merton groan . He grabbed onto her hips and shifted her back and up, holding her up with ease to put his wife into exactly the right position to go to town on her. The bed creaked and shivered on its hover-bound firmament, even as her breasts swayed in counter-point to the slamming of his hips. Her tail wrapped around his left arm, squeezing in time with her moans as Relix accepted his cock.

        “Yes! Yes! Put me into heat, breed me, fucking breed me, yes!” Relix gasped, her voice so wanton that Merton didn’t doubt her instincts had driven her to a pure heat frenzy. From the way her sex was fluttering with near constant orgasms...fuck...he closed his eyes tight, his brain scrambling. He tried to remember everything he could to not just cum right then and there.

        He thought about FATAL – the worst tabletop RPG ever made.

        He thought about Tommy Weissau’s ass in the classic bad movie The Room .

        He thought about the one horrifying time he had seen Trevor’s grandma naked.

        It wasn’t enough.

        The orgasm that surged through him was, in some ways, less overwhelming than climaxing as a woman. For one thing, it hadn’t been utterly unique. He had cum before. Never while sheathed in the cunt of a dragon princess who he had fallen in love with. But he had cum as a dude before. But it was still one of the most intense feelings he had ever felt in his entire life, and he was lost in the white hot joy of it, his balls clenching as he arched his back and drove himself so deep into Relix that he was worried he might get stuck.

        And he… painted her womb with his cum.

        Each surging blast that shot deep into her felt as if it rocked her whole body. And Relix actually had chomped down onto the pillow next to Julia, who was still sprawled underneath her, still dripping from her own blast of dragon cum. And as Merton watched, he saw Julia’s body twitch as cum dripped from Relix’s pussy to patter onto her thighs. Julia grinned, slightly.

        “Makin it rain...gold digger...” she whispered.

        Merton chuckled.

        “W...whuz...zat mean?” Relix mumbled, her head hanging forward as she twitched slightly. She sounded like she had literally almost had the capacity for language fucked out of her head.

        “Well, he’s the one marrying a space princess just for access to her spaceship...” Julia said, grinning as she stretched. “Total gold digger.”

***

        “So glad of you to join us, Lord Merton,” Gunner said, inclining his head. “Finally.”

        “Dude,” Carlos called from the seat he had taken on the bridge. He shot Merton two huge thumbs up. “Fucking noice . Two hours? Like, damn  son! ”

        “Don’t be crass, Carlos,” Lisa said, reaching over to slap the back of his head. She was seated nearby – so was Trevor and Merton’s Mom and Dad. They were all lined up on the left corner of the bridge. Out of the way, but able to watch and participate. Merton’s command sofa was waiting for him and Relix and Julia. He took it with a groan, his knees aching as he settled there. He felt as if he had run for several miles straight. And while being combined with an awesome dragon did mean that he could run several miles, it still made him ache. Relix, meanwhile, shared a similar rosy glow with Julia. They both looked like kittens who had fucked the milkman and he had given them double shots of cream in addition to cum.

        Brash, meanwhile, was on Merton’s shoulder like a small black cat on the shoulder of an OC self insert character in a fan-fiction. He was snoring happily.

        Gunner sighed as they took their seat. “We’re ready to engage the planar shields. No dragon ship has ever headed into the Outlands before. We don’t even know if we’ll arrive there...but...it’s better than heading directly into the guns of however many Bryaugh ships have arrived since we left.”

        Merton nodded. “Have the shields ready. And the guns warmed up.”

        Gunner smiled – something that had once been a hideous sight. But now Merton was used to him.

        The forward view of the plane of negation suddenly bloomed with a portal. As the shields were designed to just snap open for a few moments – and only create holes the size of railgun projectiles to boot – the Talon-9  had only a few seconds to jet forward. Those few seconds of acceleration felt like getting kicked by a mule. Merton grabbed onto his thighs, gritting his teeth as weight mashed him back – and then deceleration smashed him forward. Only the protection field surrounding his seat kept him planting. One of his friends was less lucky. Trevor went skidding across the floor with a cry of alarm.

        The forward view showed an utterly bizarre mishmash of shapes. It took Merton a few seconds to realize that he was looking at what seemed to be hundreds of bricks, mashed against the cameras. He blinked.

        “We’ve HIT something!” the drow pilot exclaimed.

        “What?” Relix asked, her head lifting up.

        “A...wall?” The drow pilot said, slowly. “Uh...one second.” She took hold of the controls, then wiggled them. The movement sent new groaning, grinding sounds through the ship. But it also dislodged the bricks. They skittered forward and away, sliding off the nose of the demiship. Soon, the view was cleared and Merton could see that they had crashed into an Escher painting. Specifically, they had crashed into the famous Escher painting, the one that everyone recognized.

        The one with the stairs, leading off at right angles and curves, heading into possible doorways set at gravitational odds with one another. The one that gave any right thinking architect a pounding headache and eternal blood oath of vengeance against surrealists.

        “Where the hell are we?” Julia asked.

        “Detecting a life sign,” the pilot said. “Half-elven.”

        “Put it on the main screen,” Merton said.

        “They’re right there,” the drow pilot said, pointing. And, well, there the half-elf was. They were a huddled figure, seated on one of the landings that the stairs led towards. They wore robes and were hunched forward, looking as if they had been sitting there for a while. And as Merton looked closer, he realized that that...was...true. The walls and floor near the half-elf were covered with tally marks. Merton’s brow furrowed as he started to try and guesstimate them.

        The robed figure slowly reached up, then tossed back their hood, to reveal that they were female. Their hair was short cropped and black, their eyes cat green. Their ears were pointed, but not as long as a full blooded elf’s might be, like Thuwit. She slowly stood up, then started to wave her arms over her head, shouting.

        “Uh, open the airlock,” Merton said, standing. “Lets ask the natives.”

        The front of the bridge whirred and clicked, unfolding open as if a mouth was being pried apart.. A ramp unfolded like a tongue and Merton realized that he could literally just stand up from the couch and walk forward. “I...didn’t know there was a front airlock.”

        “It’s for boarding,” Gunner said.

        Merton shrugged and slowly walked forward, onto the ramp, then down to the balcony. As he walked close, he realized that there were roughly three hundred notches on the wall. Maybe more. Maybe less. The robed figure had stood and was looking at him with eyes as wide as saucers. She spoke. Her voice was raspy and hoarse, as if she hadn’t used it for a long time.

        “A-Are you real?” she asked.

        “Yup,” Merton said.

        The half-elf flung her arms around him and buried her face against his shoulder, sobbing as she clung to him. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m so so sorry!” she gasped out. Merton, feeling as if he had walked in on someone else’s plot, started to pat her back gently, biting his lip. The woman sagged further and Merton started to have to actually holding her up to prevent both of them from falling to the floor.

        “I-It’s okay?” he asked.

        The woman drew back, then blinked. “W-Wh...did...did you come on a mage-ship?” she looked at the prow of the ship.

        “A mage-ship !?” Relix spluttered, sounding utterly offended as she walked down the ramp, her hands on her hips. “The Five Talon Empire hasn’t used mage-ships for five thousand years! They’re utterly antiquated! This is a PER powered demiship! With a full complement! Sans, um, seventy five percent of our armsmen. Also, uh, who are you?”

        The half-elf sniffed, then blinked. “M-my name is Dart...” she said. “I’m a wizard. And I...I...” She gulped. “I did bad things.”

        Merton looked around, slowly.

        “This is... hell ? ” he whispered.

        Dart nodded, slowly. “I...I almost destroyed a whole dimension . Out of greed.” She closed her eyes. “I j-just wanted people to respect me. To be...to be…” She groped for words. “I’ve been alone for so long . D-Do you know how much it hurts? To be alone?”

        Merton nodded. The interior of the escher place felt as if it had shifted - going from surreal to eerie. He felt as if distant footsteps were beginning to echo through the corridors. He wondered if he was just imagining things.

        Relix growled, slightly. “Give us one good reason to not leave you here? The last evil wizard trapped in a pocket dimension almost killed my husband with the embodiments of her own guilt!”

        “You live odd lives...” Dart said, slowly, her voice rasping. But her eyes were filling tears. “I...I ca-can someone pinch me. If this is another dream-”

        Julia reached around and squeezed her butt.

        Dart squeaked and leaped into the air, as if she had been jabbed by a pin.

        “See?” Julia asked. “Not a dream.” She paused, watching as Dart started to sob in earnest again. Her hands went to her face and her shoulders shook as she started to sink to her knees. Merton stepped forward, sliding his arm around her back, holding her up. Julia’s voice was hard as iron. “We’re not leaving her here.”

        “Absolutely not,” Merton said.

        “But-” Relix started.

        “I don’t care what she did,” Merton said. “This punishment? It’s inhumane!”

        “It’s hell , what do you expect? ” Relix hissed. Then, sighing, she said. “F-Fine. I didn’t want to leave her anyway.” She narrowed her eyes at Dart. “But absolutely no destroying our universe. Understand?”

        Dart blinked, her eyes still brimming with tears, her cheeks blotchy. “O-Of course not...” she whispered.

        The adjoining doors were beginning to glow with reddish lights - and the sound of footsteps and laughing, jeering sounds was growing louder and louder. “Uh, do you know the way to the City of O?” Merton asked. Dart flinched, recoiling from the very idea.

        “The Judges would just send me right back here!” she hissed.

        “Okay, okay, it’s just we need to get home!” he said. “To Earth.”

        Dart looked at him. “W-Which Earth?”

        “Uh...ours?” Merton asked. He turned and then started for the boarding plank, followed by the others. The airlock started to seal behind them - and the footsteps had become a thundering, roaring sound. Shapes were beginning to pour from the doorways.

        Dart closed her eyes. She breathed in, trying to compose herself. She stood up straighter, then spoke with a firmer tone. “Does it have magic or is it magic free? Who is the President of the United States. Is it the United States, or the Confederated States, or are both there? Who won the second or third world war? Were there a second and third world war? How did the first world war go? How many zombies are there. And, uh...” she paused. “You know, stuff like that.”

        “You’ve been to that many Earths?” Julia asked, her eyes wide.

        “Of course,” Dart said, chuckling. It was a brittle sound. Like she was barely hanging on. The airlock door finished shutting behind them. She slowly looked around the bridge – and the bridge crew looked back at her, clearly curious. Dart trembled like a leaf, as if she could hardly believe where she was. The drow pilot, meanwhile, was pressing buttons. Through the forward screen, Merton could see demons - thousands of them. They charged at the nose of the Talon-9 , leaping onto it.

        The pilot yeeped and slammed down the retro-thrusters. Flames roared outwards, sending demons flying backwards as the Talon-9  skidded backwards and out of the wall of the pocket dimension within Hell, revealing that it was merely a cube floating in a vast, red space, filled with flames and mountains and bubbling lakes of lava. Floating islands filled the air, each one bearing a crucifix, each crucifix studded with writhing bodies.

        Merton jerked his eyes away from the screen, his face pale white.

        “Uh...” he coughed. “There’s the United States. There is magic, but we didn’t know there was any. Basically, dragons came from Earth, and when they left, they left behind mage-blind slaves. The President is, uh...” he coughed again, then muttered under his breath.

        “Who?” Dart asked.

        Merton adjusted the collar of his shirt.

        “We don’t like to talk about it,” Lisa said scowling.

        Dart’s brow furrowed.

        “Oh!” She said, her eyes widening. “Oh that Earth. Oh. Oh.” She blinked again. “Oh, I’m so sorry.”

        “It’s okay,” Merton said, shrugging. “I mean, okay, technically, it’s not okay, but...”

        Dart squeezed his shoulder, gently, then smiled. Like her chuckle, it was brittle. “I know the way. It’ll take three portals, but they’re all in the Outlands. We’ll pop through a portal near the Skull of Ru, then have to dip through Eberron. Eberron will take us to Highpoint, and there’s a portal built into the back of the city-mech of Ultarmort. We fly through that and you’ll appear on the south pole of your Earth.”

        “There’s a dimensional portal over Antarctica?” Trevor asked.

        “Well, yeah,” Dart said, nodding as she drew her robes around herself. “It’s right over Atlantis.”